Nine Gimmicks By Big Beer Companies That Fell Flat


Beer Gimmicks, you know them and if you are a craft beer aficionado, you probably mock them. I know I do. Well, after a weekend of sports viewing, which in turn means big beer ads on repeat, I decided to make a list of 9 Big Beer Gimmicks. Of course, none of these things have improved the flavor, quality or overall drinking experience for the big boys, but they keep on trying, don’t they.

And before you get upset, the craft beer have their own gimmicks (although these are more trends) as well.

Miller Lite Vortex Bottle

If the neck of the bottle has grooves, you will not only love your beer more, but you will be cool in front of your friends. Plus you will stop wearing sunglasses at night. Obviously…

Coors Vented Cans
When there is a problem, Coors finds an answer you guys. How many times, before vented cans did you take a drink and think to yourself, I’m just not getting enough beer in my mouth when I do this! Thank you vented cans!

Coors Blue Mountains
Coors has always been about the cold. But they took it to a new level with the ‘cold activated’ mountains. Don’t you dare bring beer like this home that isn’t cold, don’t you dare!

Coors Cold Activation Windows
One problem shines the light on another. So, when Coors unveiled the blue mountains, but you couldn’t see the cans in a box, they had a real problem on their hands. I know, let’s cut a hole in the side of the box and do several expensive commercials about it!

Bud Light “Drinkability”
Drinkability is one of those horrible terms birthed after many hours in a cramped marketing boardroom….many hours. The guy in the video tries to explain it, but I don’t think it helps.

The Keystone Light “Specially Lined Can”
Does the lining of the can make it taste like something other than Keystone Light?

Miller Lite “Taste Protector Lid”
This is one taste that is probably not worth protecting, although we have no clue how this technology could actually accomplish that anyway.

“My Bud Light” Bottle
Good thing I can write my name on this Bud Light bottle so nobody else can drink it! Also now I can get some digits from the ladies and then just carry this bottle around all night.

Molson M “Microcarbonated Beer”
Why didn’t we think to ‘Microcarbonate’ our beer? Oh yeah, that’s not a real thing.

What they should do, is just bring back this marketing campaign…

9 Responses

  1. Robert Duffy says:

    WASSSSSUPPP!!!!!

  2. Chris M. says:

    The colder it is, the less you can taste anything, thus marketing US consumers into beer morons for the past 50 years.

  3. Josh says:

    This reminds of David Cross’ bit about Coors Light.

  4. Hark says:

    what about “A taste as cold as the rockies”… you know… because ‘cold’ is a flavor.

    • Joe Long says:

      Good one, and I forgot about that David Cross bit, hilarious. Thanks all.

    • Ijit says:

      Cold is a flavor. Cold brewed bear has a distinctive mild flavor. A flavor that was once prized as it could only be brewed in the winter. Before you criticize try to remember if your mama used to make you put on a football helmet before you could go outside.

  5. Rob says:

    Really is amazing to watch…what other industry gets away with fancy packaging instead of better flavor for selling their product? I guess they have to tout “cold” to kill the taste of it because it all tastes the same (B.M.C beers that is).

  6. max says:

    One, cut a hole in a box. Two, put your beers in that box…

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